There are moments in your life that are so significant, you become forever changed as a person. Six months ago, I experienced the worst side of that when we lost Christopher. I didn't know who I was, where I was going, what to do. All I knew is that I had Charlie, my husband, my family and several amazing people to carry me through. I can't say I'll ever be healed from my loss, but there are certainly more days now when I can see the beauty and good in everything. I'm not sure where I would be right now had it not been for the incredible people who loved and supported me. Some days were pretty dark, and I was (and am) so lucky to have people to catch me when I was spiraling down. I know I've said it before, but I can't even begin to express how blown away I was and still am by the goodness and love in people. The people I knew would be there for me, stepped up repeatedly and without fail. Amazingly, people I never expected--some I never even knew--reached out to me and let me know that it was going to be okay. I am forever indebted to all of these people for everything they gave me, how they guided me through the worst times. I am finally feeling almost ready and healed enough to give back somehow.
Shortly after we lost Christopher, my family experienced another life-changing moment. In late September, my mom got a very important phone call. She had been on the recipient list to receive a liver transplant for about 18 months, after having suffered from Hepatitis C for more than 35 years. There was a bittersweetness to the phone call. On one hand, my mom was going to get a new lease on life, a new liver that was clean from the virus that had nearly destroyed her own. On the other hand, because she needed a whole liver, that meant that someone else's life had ended. We found out several weeks later that the donor was a 22 year old girl. A young life, ended too soon. Yet, she gave life to others. The ultimate gift. That was all so heartbreaking, but somehow abstract until yesterday, when we met the donor's family.
My mom, dad, my husband, Charlie and I met with them--all 15 of this family...and apparently that was the shortened list! What beautiful, loving and humble people. Each one of them was a special part of this girl's life and we were so blessed to meet them and to be welcomed into their family. I wish I could say that I can't even begin to imagine the pain this woman's mother must be suffering through, but unfortunately I can. But, I know I can't imagine the depth of pain--she spent 22 years with her daughter, watched her grow and guided her into a beautiful young woman who was so full of life. Nothing I went through even compares. To see that they are able to honor this woman's life and meet the people whose lives she saved is brave and loving. This family is an inspiration. No one should ever have to experience losing a child, sibling or friend at that age, and to see how they have continued to celebrate her, motivates me to be a better and more loving person.
Once again, I have been inspired by those around me. Our paths crossed out of pure tragedy, but I am grateful to know them, and I grieve for their loss. I hate that the beauty of life becomes infinitely more when you know what it's like to lose it, but I can't change any of it and I will try to make the most of it by giving back. Last year was a year of loss and sadness. This year will be the year of gratitude and love.
